Superpower Or Self-Sabotage?

To the Woman Who Keeps Everyone Going

Many women I work with excel at keeping everyone else’s lives on track, but they often feel quietly exhausted, resentful, or unseen in their own stories. This article is for the “strong ones”: the overdoers, overthinkers, and overfunctioning women who rarely give themselves permission to pause and ask, “What about me?” If that sounds like you, I invite you to read this slowly and see where it lands.

To the woman who keeps everyone going,

You used to have hobbies. Little rituals that were just yours. A favorite song you’d blast in the car and sing at the top of your lungs - moments where you felt light, present, and like yourself.

Somewhere along the way, life got heavier.

Now you often crawl into bed too late, your mind racing through tomorrow’s to-do list while everyone else sleeps peacefully because you made sure they could. The bags are packed, the forms are signed, the emotional fires are out. If anything slips, you quietly pick it up before anyone notices.

You’re the dependable one. The one who remembers, plans, anticipates, and fixes.

You are so strong and capable that people sometimes forget you’re also human.
And sometimes, you forget it too.

There’s a name for this pattern: overfunctioning.

Overfunctioning means regularly doing more than your share emotionally, mentally, practically, often to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or make sure no one is disappointed.

It might sound like:

• “It’s faster if I just do it myself.”

• “They’re tired, I can manage.”

• “If I don’t take care of it, everything will fall apart.”

On the outside, it looks like strength and competence. On the inside, it can feel like:

• Quiet, chronic exhaustion

• Resentment you refuse to admit

• Feeling overlooked and unappreciated

• Slowly losing contact with your own needs and limits

After a divorce, this often becomes even more intense: you overextend yourself to keep the kids connected, to “make up” for the breakup, or to prove you’re managing.

If you’ve been feeling tired, a bit resentful, or strangely invisible in your own life, please hear this:

There is nothing wrong with you.

You’re not dramatic. You’re not ungrateful. You’ve just been carrying too much, for too long, mostly on your own.

Many women who overfunction learned early that love and safety came from being helpful, capable, low-maintenance, or “the strong one.” It made sense then. It protected you.

But what once protected you may now be quietly burning you out.

What Have You Lost Touch with?

Let’s get curious for a moment, without judgment:

• If you had four extra hours a week that were 100% yours… what would you actually want to do?

• What part of yourself have you lost touch with—your creativity, your playfulness, your friendships, your body, or your dreams?

• What did you put on the shelf “until things calm down"... and somehow, they never quite did?

• What do you yearn to regain, but hesitate to ask for because you think it’s too late, too selfish, or too risky?

You don’t need perfect answers. Sometimes asking the questions is the first act of self-respect.

A Small Experiment in Doing Less

Overfunctioning doesn’t shift because you finally “try harder.” It changes through small experiments in doing a little less.

This week, you might try:

• Accepting something as “good enough.”
  Store-bought instead of homemade. A tidy room instead of a perfect one.

• Not solving a problem immediately.

When someone approaches you, try asking, “What do you think we should do?” before jumping in.

• Say “not this time” once.
  Even if you feel guilty. Guilt often means you’re trying something new, not doing something wrong.

• Scheduling one activity that's just for you:

a walk, a bath, a solo coffee, or dancing to that old favorite song in your kitchen.

These aren’t selfish. They’re small ways of telling your nervous system:
“I exist too. My needs count here.”

You Are Allowed to Want More

You're not the only one who feels this way.

Countless women keep everyone else’s lives running while their own needs fall to the bottom of the list.

You are allowed to desire more than just making it through the day.
You are allowed to want:

• Rest

• Respect

• Reciprocity

• Joy

• Space to grow into your next chapter

You don’t have to redesign your life overnight.
You don’t have to know every step.

You have to be willing to put yourself back on the list gently, consistently, one small decision at a time.

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If you see yourself in these words and feel ready to stop carrying everything alone, I would be honored to support you. As a Certified Divorce Coach, I help women unwind overfunctioning patterns, establish healthier boundaries, and rebuild a life that truly includes them.

If you're interested in collaborating, you can schedule a consultation or send me a message.

I’d love to hear your story.